Against Marriage?

Against marriage (since 1966!)

" Even when subjected to the enormous strains I have described, the habits, customs, traditions, and taboos that make up our courtship and marriage cycle are uncommonly resistant to change. Here and there creative and courageous individuals can and do work out their own unique solutions to the problem of marriage. Most of us simply suffer without understanding and thrash around blindly in an attempt to reduce the acute pain of a romance gone sour. In time, all of these individual actions will show up as a trend away from the old and toward the new, and the bulk of sluggish moderates in the populations will slowly come to accept this trend as part of social evolution.

I wish I had not rushed into being married. I wish that I had not been so naive at age 26. I don't necessarily think that the institution of marriage is doomed to failure I just think that people need to go into it with more REALISTIC expectations. I think marriage is the best institution in which to raise children, our beloved next generation. But you have to really know who that person is. Love and expectation about what it means to be an "adult" can blind you. I don't know that anyone could have stopped me from making a big mistake based on the info and societal expectations I felt at the time, but I wish someone would have told me the realities of marriage beforehand. I don't necessarily think living together first is the best option either. I just think no body prepares you for the hard times and unlimited compromises - especially if you come from a relatively happy two-parent household! I hope my worldview doesn't jade my daughter J from the benefits of finding "true love" - but she will know that it doesn't always work. And I will tell the same thing to my nieces. Go to college, find a career you really enjoy, be prepared to take care of yourself and your kid if it doesn't work out. Also I will tell them never underestimate the force of societal expectations that work against your personal happiness. That said, the outcome of my failed marriage, was a freedom from my previous definition of a failed marriage as personal failure,... and best of all, one very awesome kid! Yeah for J - I love her so much.

Finally, I can't believe this was written in 1966 !! ( a good year for bein' born) . Ahead of its time. (BTW Have I mentioned lately how much I love -platonically!- Mr. Sullivan - he always finds these cool topics!) My heart belongs to Mr. Shannon. And he doesn't want to marry me... but I know he loves me.
" many should be encouraged to carry out their own creative experiments in living together in a relationship that is wholly voluntary. If the demands of society to conform seem overwhelming, the couple should know that simply to be defined by others as married will elicit married-like behavior in themselves, and that is precisely what they want to avoid. How do you marry and yet live like gentle lovers, or at least like friendly roommates? " (especially if you aren't going to have kids together... I'm sure everyone at my church would disagree)

As my favorite songwriter sings, "spare parts and broken hearts keep the world turnin' ....around".